Nacho-bibo!

Nacho is at the age when he demands full attention... anything less just won't do! With my pregnancy and Pep in full throttle, I avoid being alone with him by going to the office as much as necessary and coming home to either a tasmanian devil who clambers all over me or a sleeping angel whose long lashes disguise his superhuman abilities to exhaust everyone within perimeter.

I thought about how I was pretty much left on my own as a child and that maybe it's ok to do the same with Nacho since i turned out fine. But seeing him grow up right before my eyes, actually communicate in phrases and even full sentences ("Sino 'to... Iron Man?", "Ayan na cockroach", "Dami saging!" "Lagot ka Mama"...), have a sense of humor (he kisses the baby in my belly daw then proceeds to a noisy raspberry!), insist on his preferences ("I want Kung-fu Panda", "I said NO!")and know that he loves me and his father above everything else (he actually tries to fight off sleepiness just to spend more time with us at night)... I realize that I don't want to leave him on his own - not just because he might get messed up, but more so because I don't want to miss out on the adorable baby turning into an amazing little boy who throws the most terrible tantrums as quickly as the tightest hugs... hollers angry wails as loudly as his infectious laughters.

I have grand dreams of travels and luxuries but I thank God for the happiness of simple weekends wrapped in the arms and legs of my son.

Pre Natal Anxiety: The Ugly Child

Nacho is at that phase where he can switch from an obnoxiously hyper daredevil to charming little angel in a snap of a finger depending on which will yield his desired result. I can see right through that sweet smile of his but am not immune to submission when I'm already too tired to put up a fight... it's a given since I'm his mother. What amazes me is the amount of patience from my son's grandmas, uncles, aunts, even the market vendors who would extend discounts or let him play with quail eggs for his amusement. I figured they let him get away with murder (poor quail embryo!) because (thankfully) they think he's adorable!

It's a universal fact that attractive people have it easier than the aesthetically challenged lot but an old article in Time Magazine actually cites a study that 70% of abused or abandoned children had at least one apparent flaw in their appearance like distinct facial irregularities such as a cleft palate or a skin condition.

From childhood experience, my sister being the first and white as snow got preferential treatment to which I adapted by smartening up. I'm worried that my second child might not turn out to be as fair or as quick a learner as Nacho... given the novelty of having a baby in the family has worn off, would everybody still be as nice and patient?

To this my husband answers... "and that is why I pray he turns out to be a boy so his physical appearance will not matter as much. If our baby is a girl then it's a problem either way whether she's ugly or pretty!" Haaay, this calls for a different topic altogether!

Girlfriends

The Amigas, as we called ourselves back in college, thought we would be living the Sex & the City life as we go about our successful careers, sharing a posh condo in Makati where we can shop, dine and party as much as we want.

12 years later...
Tams a.k.a Charlotte - the pretty and always proper prom queen is a stay-at-home mom of two with businesses on digital designs, production and printing on the side
Mau a.k.a Samantha - the adventurous temptress is a single mom working in a global financial institution whose stability belies her complex personal life
Ivy a.k.a Carrie - I thought I was Carrie but given her edgy take on fashion and wanderlust, Ivy is it... a blushin' newlywed who avoids the public pressure of childbearing by jetsetting with her husband
Me a.k.a Miranda - self employed mother of a terrible-two with another baby on the way. tries to remain sane by putting household and everyone within a mile radius in order

It's been ages since we got to catch up... oh we would get together in one or another's wedding and one or another child's birthday... until finally, a proper dinner in a nice and quiet restaurant with just the four of us!

Ordering was an icebreaker in itself given new food preferences and restrictions. after going through Momo Cafe's entire menu all with portions for sharing, we finally settled on Momo salad, potato skin with cheese fondue, chicken wings, pizza and cheesecake - that out of the way, the chatterfest began!

Updates although hurried were candid, quips and quotes flew back and forth oblivious to the posh diners surrounding our table. We all had cameras but we were so deep in conversation that nobody remembered to take a group photo of that very rare occasion! It's funny that no matter how much you thought you've changed, you always revert to the unpolished rock you were when thrown back in the mines. We were raw, stripped of all pretensions... who else can we be our truest selves with other than the dearest friends who knew us before we became diamonds.

Without a cue, we unanimously decided at 10pm that it was time to go home to our individual lives. We are all someplace we never thought we would be but without any regret... we have after all become better versions of ourselves at least in each others' eyes.

This Will Be The Last Time I Will Be Fat & Pregnant!

I'm pregnant again!

Nacho will be two years and five months old by the time I give birth. I'm lucky to have my mom stay with us but without a reliable househelp, managing my company and Tats' impending provincial assignment, raising two kids is going to be very challenging. Thus I have decided to get my tubes tied after Baby No.2. My OB said I'm too young and to wait in case I change my mind and want more kids but I was already happy with one... having two will be enough.

When my pregnancy test yielded two stripes I wasn't exactly elated and I felt guilty for not being as excited this second time yet annoyed because it caught me at a very hectic time at work and I can certainly do away with the bloating and dizzy spells. I also thought it was too soon and that Nacho needed more of our undivided affection. Memories of emails and phonecalls in between baby's nap, discreetly breastfeeding in public, dairy express after client meetings, 3-minute baths and anxiety attacks over vomit and snot came swarming back. There's also the unsightly dark pouch of a belly that takes too long to go away and the stretchmarks that remain for good. On top of it all, it's the lessened mobility (no running & rowing)and the isolation from the social circle that I have yet to reconnect to.

My concerns may seem selfish and can be solved with available conveniences like infant formula, nurseries, liposuction or a troop of highly paid househelp but I am a woman of limited means yet I intend to give my children the best that I can - the commitment to breastfeed exclusively for at least 6 months, the ability to pay off amortization for a house they can call their own, the attention to recognize their strengths and weaknesses, the fitness to keep up with their energy, the travel opportunities to open up their worlds and the well roundedness to inspire their dreams. As it is I already get very exhausted with my multiple roles in life, I don't want to be spread out too thinly... so again, only two kids for me!

Funny that I never even thought of this cookie-cutter life of "wife-mother-homemaker-entrepreneur" for myself and neither did my family or friends. We thought I'd be a high-powered executive living the swingin' single life! Oh well... here I am and I'm happy =)

How do you keep the music playing?

it's a slow day in the office so i got to checking my long forgotten Friendster account and came across this photo of Tats and me when i surprised him with a small party on his 30th birthday... it's been almost 3 years ago and i don't think we've had another "kilig" photo since.


we got free movie tickets from our credit card company valid for two months and i had to give them away right before they expired. last week i joked to tats about us going out on a date..."why?", he asked.

we've only been married 5 years and already we're embarrassed to be affectionate with each other. over the daily grind, we've become effective partners and doting parents. but how do we bring back the lovers who talked for hours and felt proud to be with the hottest person on the planet?

the lowest moment of my married life was when i was waiting in the lobby to meet with a boss. a guy in his office lingered and i heard him ask the guard about me. i was glad he found me attractive, which i didn't feel anymore from the man who matters to me most. i left the building in tears.

i understand now that it takes a lot of effort to make marriages work. it's not enough to just let love take it's natural course - without paved roads, love may get lost and never be found

A Better Version of Me

A friend got 5 free tickets to "Splendide: The Grand National China Acrobatics Circus" and I was glad she chose me to one of her lucky recipients because the show was amazing! I made a mental note to watch such show with my boys maybe when Nacho is turns three or up so he can appreciate it more.

I thanked our sponsor profusely for the invitation and then she goes, "I'm glad you made it. I thought you wouldn't accept because you're now a mom". Quickly I replied, "Hey I just had a baby but I'm still the same person!"

As we 5 ladies dispersed, I could not help but think about the remark. She's right, I have been begging off from a lot of engagements since I got pregnant. The series of reasonings include:
- "I'm not very presentable right now"
- "I'm lactating"
- "I miss my son"
- "I don't have a yaya"
- "I'm really tired"

They're all valid reasons but eventually... there was hardly any invitation. I was feeling so depressed recently and the few people I could run to were unavailable - I realized then that there really are very "few" of them left.

This coming year, I have resolved to do a makeover of myself:
- I will be fitter and healthier, and will run even by myself
- even when I feel shitty inside, outside I will try to look my best
- I will drive when I can and commute when I can't
- I will read more (and expand my materials beyond food blogs)
- I will write more
- I will be a better friend to my friends and make new ones
- I will travel more

But I will not lose sight of the things I'm doing right... I will continue to be a hardworking entrepreneur, a prudent homemaker, an understanding wife and a doting mom.





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DOING THE HEIDI: Going Back to Pre-Natal Me

I’m five feet tall and barely hit the 100lbs mark. I’m still not sure whose fault it was that I ballooned to 145lbs on my full term – was it the whole bunch of bananas and jar of Skippy Superchunk Peanut Butter I always had in my office drawer or my husband’s genetic pool, he at 5’9 is the shortest compared to his brothers. My friend and I were strolling in the mall when she bumped into an officemate who took one look at me and eagerly cooed, “Uuuuy twins?!” I was already 10 months pregnant and knew I wasn’t going to go into labor as the x-ray revealed my baby’s shoulders to be as wide as the opening in my pelvic bone so I called my OB to schedule a C-section the next day. Her team pulled out my 8.7lbs son just right before he pooped.

Breastfeeding was the immediate choice, apart from the proven benefits to infants, it is also supposed to contract the uterus much faster. But with a voracious boy who fed off me every two hours, I also got hungry very frequently and ate like a construction worker. In despair, I stared at my dark, loosely deflated tummy covered in stretch marks and realized why aesthetic clinics dominate expressway billboards. But then there’s Heidi Klum, she has four kids and the last time she gave birth, even managed to get on the Victoria Secret catwalk after eight weeks! Disregarding Heidi’s multimillion ability to employ a fitness team, and discounting the possibility that her incredible mix of beauty and brains might have sprung from an alien race of alpha females…I decided that if she can regain her pre-natal body then so can I!

Losing excess pounds wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be but moving out of my mother-in-law’s house into our own townhouse and having to fire the nanny was. I breastfed exclusively (no formula), cleaned the house, cooked our meals and did the laundry while setting up an events company with a friend. In 12 weeks I was down to 110lbs but very close to the end of my wits.

Salvation came in the form of a very able househelp/nanny. With her around, my husband and I were able to go back to dragonboat rowing – I was never athletic but I took to this sport three years ago as a form of release from office stress. Cardio endurance is essential so in my team, we were encouraged to take up running which I loathed. I joined several 5k fun runs, it was when I decided I was ready to advance to 10k that I found out I was already a month pregnant. Given my history of miscarriage, the OB advised me to stop all strenuous activity. More than a year of being home-based, getting back in training was a reality check on how out of shape I was, for most parts I was panting for breath and could not keep up with the team’s pace!

I already look like I did before I had a baby except for the slight belly, loose skin and stretch marks that may never go away without surgical intervention but apart from the aesthetics, I need to work on being truly physically healthy. When I can, I run around the park in front of our house. Last May, I did 5k in a running event and clocked in at 28:40.

Before my son turned last August, I promised to run my first 10k. Last July I joined “Run for Life” and clocked in at 1:06:45… it’s my way of introducing him to a mom who will be able to keep up with him and a multi-faceted woman who will keep herself always interested and interesting.

Who knows… maybe a full marathon might not be an impossible dream.

Near Death by Pigsa

This morning I got the biggest scare of my life.

I'm on my 3rd and nastiest pigsa (boil), i treated the first two with gumamela poultice just like what my lola did back in our province. Luckily our neighbor has a shrub so Riza gets me a steady supply although I'm not sure she bothers with the trivialities of asking for permission.

Everybody's suggesting I take antibiotics but I'd have to stop breastfeeding Nacho - I was sure he'll adjust but I just wasn't ready. Yesterday I got feverish either from infection or the erratic weather, but more than anything I was feeling the unbearable pain from where the boil is, my swollen inner thigh. I resolved to take Citromax, extra strong antibiotics to be taken once for only 3 days.

I thought I’d walk off my ails so off I went to the drugstore then the grocery. A wave of nausea washed over me and by the time I reached the counter to pay, I already broke into cold, clammy sweat. I called Riza to come fetch me then I sat and waited by the tables in front of the food kiosks. Apparently I was pale as paper so the grocery staff came over to make me sniff White Flower liniment. They kept fussing over me and I felt embarrassed attracting so much attention even from other customers. I insisted I was ok until suddenly, my body went rigid, my toes curled and my hands rolled into gnarly fists. I had to ask one of the staff to open my box of Citromax because my fingers were already useless. I saw Riza from a distance but when I called out my jaw stiffened. I managed to tell her to call Tats and to the dozen people around to call for an ambulance. The ambulance wasn’t available so they called a cab and lifted me in. On the way to the hospital, Riza massaged my hands one after another and I just cried thinking about Nacho who’s just turning a year old in two weeks.

It was frightful to lose control of my body while my mind was on red alert. When we finally arrived in the hospital’s ER, the guard wheeled me in and I tried to explain to the nurses that my body seems to be paralyzed. The nurse pricked my finger for blood but nothing came out. My mother and brother in law arrived with his girlfriend who's a registered nurse, in tow. I was fine after about 15 minutes before Tats came, I guess the antibiotics finally kicked in and I just felt embarrased how all the trouble sprang from a humble pigsa.

Nacho is currently bawling his eyes out not understanding why I can’t feed him. I called my sister asking permission to nurse since it has been 11 hours already since I took the medicine – she shut me up by explaining how dangerous it can be. Right now I try to take comfort in the fact that we only have to endure this for 3 nights, at least I still have the rest of my life to spend with my family.

pa-pa-pa-palaisipan2...

If you were flat broke - would you work in a brothel that can earn you around $70 + tips/day?

pa-pa-pa-palaisipan...

How would you react if your wife told you that her gift on your upcoming birthday is 365 nights of sex?

If you were the wife, would you give this as gift?

Stuck-in-Traffic Meal

Will somebody explain to me please the correlation between rain and traffic?
Of course it's always traffic in Manila regardless of the weather but for some reason, it becomes at least 5x heavier when there's rain!

There were unexpected downpours over summer (global warming is not a myth people!)and it has gotten more frequent lately.

Last Wednesday was the first really bad byahe from office to home so Tats and I were unprepared... we were hungry, thirsty and he needed to pee. But last night we were ready - he brought leftovers from an office training at the Pen (thanks tita Brenda!), I had a 500ml bottle of water and both our bladders were clear.

Along with the George Michael playlist, we attacked the vegetable sushi and smoked beef brisket - I begged and begged but he wouldn't let me have any of the raw salmon. I didn't realize he could be so firm about depriving me but then again maybe he just wanted it all for himself. For dessert we had non-spectacular but pwede na creme brulee.

The traffic was not as bad as the night before... until we got to Bicutan and Tats' tummy was going wild for No. 2. HAH - must be all the salmon!

From Old to New - the Great Ukay Experience

Snagged this maxi dress at 50% off from Mint yesterday, very comfy with my current belly and quite accessible if I get to breastfeed. It was a bit too long so I cut 4 inches off the bottom and used the scrap as lining for the top for a semblance of modesty and the leftover for a bandana that may come in handy with a plain outfit.

I have a small Singer electric sewing machine from my mom who never figured out how to use it. All I can do are simple straight stitches but a skill nevertheless that none of my sisters ever got into. Growing up with a frugal grandma who manages to find some use for everything, no scrap of fabric was ever thrown away – clothes were altered and the really worn out ones converted into rags (buying cleaning cloths… ridiculous!). But much can be said also about the thought that went into the maintenance of wardrobes and linens from that household that a lot of my tita's minis from the 60's are still in decent condition after 3 decades! Thus explains my appreciation for fabric and how I get attached with the really comfy ones until a hole emerges and banishes it into the abyss.

Nowadays, good and affordable hardly come together in terms of materials. With the open market, cheap and stylish clothing can easily be had from bazaars and malls, but most are only good for several wears then it just doesn’t slide over you in the same way! It’s so frustrating not to be able to afford the outfit you want and wanting not to look like everyone else… then my little sis introduced me to ukay-ukay shopping!

The intersection of LRT and MRT in Pasay has enough shops that can take up your whole day if you have the stamina.It’s quite exciting rummaging over open racks of seemingly worthless items until you chance upon a chic Anne Klein top, a classic black D&G sleeveless, sharp pencil pants or a sexily-worn out leather bag.

And then there are the dresses… racks and racks of dowdy garbs but constructed from exquisite fabrics that any explanation for such abomination will escape you. Such finds get me all giddy as I immediately visualize what can be done to salvage such treasures.

For a simple cut-and-sew, my Singer comes in handy – had I the necessary gifts of precision and patience, I would’ve made one fantastic mananahi. But alas, my straight-stitch skill can only take me so far… and so I call on my suki in BF Market’s tailor lane at Phase 1 for more complex constructions.

Such ukay-ukay purchase averages at P60 plus alteration at P100. But the ukay experience can also be had for free in the deep recesses of ancient aparadors like that of my lola - so that's both good material and interesting story for only a song! With a dash of resilience and imagination thrown in, you’ve got yourself some unique pieces that can’t be found in the stalls of 168 nor in the racks of Rustans!