Monday, June 27, 2011

This Will Be The Last Time I Will Be Fat & Pregnant!

I'm pregnant again!

Nacho will be two years and five months old by the time I give birth. I'm lucky to have my mom stay with us but without a reliable househelp, managing my company and Tats' impending provincial assignment, raising two kids is going to be very challenging. Thus I have decided to get my tubes tied after Baby No.2. My OB said I'm too young and to wait in case I change my mind and want more kids but I was already happy with one... having two will be enough.

When my pregnancy test yielded two stripes I wasn't exactly elated and I felt guilty for not being as excited this second time yet annoyed because it caught me at a very hectic time at work and I can certainly do away with the bloating and dizzy spells. I also thought it was too soon and that Nacho needed more of our undivided affection. Memories of emails and phonecalls in between baby's nap, discreetly breastfeeding in public, dairy express after client meetings, 3-minute baths and anxiety attacks over vomit and snot came swarming back. There's also the unsightly dark pouch of a belly that takes too long to go away and the stretchmarks that remain for good. On top of it all, it's the lessened mobility (no running & rowing)and the isolation from the social circle that I have yet to reconnect to.

My concerns may seem selfish and can be solved with available conveniences like infant formula, nurseries, liposuction or a troop of highly paid househelp but I am a woman of limited means yet I intend to give my children the best that I can - the commitment to breastfeed exclusively for at least 6 months, the ability to pay off amortization for a house they can call their own, the attention to recognize their strengths and weaknesses, the fitness to keep up with their energy, the travel opportunities to open up their worlds and the well roundedness to inspire their dreams. As it is I already get very exhausted with my multiple roles in life, I don't want to be spread out too thinly... so again, only two kids for me!

Funny that I never even thought of this cookie-cutter life of "wife-mother-homemaker-entrepreneur" for myself and neither did my family or friends. We thought I'd be a high-powered executive living the swingin' single life! Oh well... here I am and I'm happy =)

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